Sunday, June 24, 2012

Past few days...

Ahhh...Sundays always remind me of the start of a fresh new week! I'm in desperate need of a REDO :) Last week was rough, the past few days have been really rough, so I'm hoping this week is much better!

Last Wednesday I posted about taking some medication to hopefully cramp out the remainder of the endometrium in order to prevent having surgery. FAIL! I stayed up all night, taking the medication every 4 hours and anticipating the worst pain of my life. Nothing. I took my last pill at 6 in the morning on Thursday and around 8:30 decided that I would call the doctor to just make sure that I didn't need to eat or drink, due to the fact that it was inevitable that I'd be having surgery later that afternoon. She agreed and I was so glad that I called!

The drive to the hospital was horrific. I was nauseated beyond belief! Taylor pulled over in Granbury so that he could get a bag for me to puke in, but too late...the ground at Subway was just perfect. I know, TMI again! (I'm hoping this is the last post EVER about this anyways) Luckily, we made it to the doctor's office and they immediately got me in for another sonogram. The results were just what we expected...nothing happened overnight. The doctor was present for the exam and said that she'd call the OR and get everything going for a D&C.

I have said it over and over and I will say it over and over again...everyone I encounter at Texas Health Harris Methodist Southwest Hospital is AMAZING! They have the sweetest voices, genuine sympathy and excellent bedside manners. They weren't going to be able to do surgery til after 5, but luckily they were able to squeeze me in earlier and we left the hospital around 6.

Friday morning I woke up a new woman! I think the surgery helped me psychologically and physically. I felt great! Taylor was heading to the Dublin Livestock Auction to get a couple of steers, so I decided to join him.

I haven't been that excited in a while...and it was about time I put a smile on my face :) Walking into the auction was just like I remembered watching on John Michael Montgomery's CMT music video of Sold: The Grundy County Auction years and years ago. I LOVED it! Of course I wanted to buy every calf that came through, until Taylor informed me that they would have to be bottle fed. Bottle fed?! That's easy. Uhhh...not when I can't leave the house for more than a few hours a day for about 2 months and they have to be fed 3 times a day. No least right now in life! Here is a little bit of what we listened to and watched for about 2 hours...

Once we figured out (sort of) what the auctioneer was saying, Taylor finally chose 2 cows that he bid on and WON! Who knew that cows could be so expensive?! Now I know why beef is nearly $5/pound at the grocery store! I introduce to you Oreo and Blizzard (Brooke's choice)...
Blizzard and Oreo

They're in there...somewhere!
Friday we finally got our sweet girl back from Science Camp! So glad that she had a great week at Camp Gee & Gramps, Camp Dale & Pat and Science Camp, but we are so glad that she's back with us! We had a family reunion in Granbury this weekend, so it was perfect for getting to see everyone.

Sunday we were welcomed with Anne, Chris and Mom joining us at church. It is so comforting knowing that we have such a wonderful support system during this time in our lives. So blessed!

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Almost Over...

Who knew you could bleed for almost 2 weeks and not die?! Well this girl is SICK and TIRED of it! I feel like it's just prolonging the sadness and hurt, but it's almost least that is what I have been told.

I went back to the doctor today for a check-up to see if I had passed everything. NOPE! The first words out of the ultrasound tech's mouth were, "Well, looks like you still have quite a bit in there." Definitely NOT the words that I wanted to hear! The doctor then came in for another exam...SIDE NOTE: I am so tired of being poked and prodded!!! First of all, it isn't comfortable. Second of all, the doctors beginning their statements with, "I'm just going to..." REALLY?! JUST! JUST! JUST! There is nothing JUST about anything that I have had to endure the past 2 weeks. Thirdly, the aftermath is the worst! Ok, I'm done venting.

After the exam and an additional ultrasound, she suggested that I could either do a D&C or take some medication that would make my stomach cramp and try to push it out myself. I opted for the medication. I will go back for another appointment tomorrow afternoon. If it hasn't cleared out on its own, then I will have a D&C tomorrow afternoon. No matter what, this forever long chapter in our lives will finally be over tomorrow at some point!

Now it is on to taking medication every 4 hours and enduring some of the most intense pain I've probably ever experienced. Praying for the best and knowing that as soon as this is done we can start trying for another!

Where's Brooke during all of this?

The Lord's timing is always perfect :) A couple of months ago my parents asked if Brooke wanted to attend a Science Camp at the university where my mom works. Brooke jumped at the chance and it happened to be this week. Perfect timing!

Brooke is having a GREAT time and really learning a lot! She is what keeps me smiling when the days get rough...
Ready for Camp! Mom says that she has worn this shirt EVERY DAY!

The Tooth Fairy paid a visit to Gee and Gramp's House!

Made our day!

My Everything! Taylor has been one AMAZING husband through this whole ordeal. He has put up with the tears, the depression, the moodiness, the doctor appointments, the messy house, the unclean laundry, the running to the Hico Walmart  Dollar General for pads, the no food in the house and the ridiculous arguments that I seem to provoke (stupid hormones). He's the BEST...'nough said!

Lunch at Stumpy's before the doctor appointment :)

Saturday, June 16, 2012

A Broken Heart

I never imagined something could hurt so much. I think I knew all along the outcome of the doctor's findings yesterday, but I think I was just in denial. I clung on to a little bit of hope that just maybe the baby was able to survive all of this. Please listen to this video from Casting Crowns. "Listen to Our Hearts" was the first thing that popped into my head upon the doctor leaving the room yesterday.

BACK UP A COUPLE OF DAYS...As you remember in my previous post, I received a call from the OB nurse at 2:30 on Thursday and everything looked great! My counts were at 10,500, which was very consistent with a 6-8 week pregnancy and that I just needed to continue resting as much as possible.

Unfortunately, I began bleeding heavily around 3. I thought nothing of it initially, but at around 6 I began thinking that I was hemorrhaging. I put a call into the on-call doctor and immediately received a call back. She said that I needed to go to the ER, especially since she couldn't tell me what was happening without seeing me. Taylor drove me to the hospital in Stephenville and I was immediately taken to a room around 8. They drew more blood, did more sonograms and more exams. I was soaking through everything (I know, TMI again...but I had a huge amount of blood loss) and kept apologizing to every doctor and nurse that I encountered. I was more embarrassed than anything, but once again, I was blessed with the sweetest, most caring medical team. After 4 hours, the doctor came to the conclusion (based from the ultrasound tech's observations) that I was in the beginning stages of a miscarriage.

On the way home, Taylor began having hopes that the ER doctor didn't know what he was talking about and he wasn't convinced that I was miscarrying. We began thinking about the doctor visit the day before, where they actually saw the sac. We weren't believing (or didn't want to believe) that things could change that fast. Plus, we were never told anything about my blood counts or anything about the sonogram. We had a new hope! I still wasn't cramping or hadn't passed the tissue that all the doctors had been asking me about.

Friday morning I woke up and hadn't bled at all since I was at the hospital. That put a smile on my face! I really wanted my OB to look at the information that the hospital in Stephenville had done the previous night to see if she thought the same thing. I left a message for the nurse and received a call back around 11:30. She said that she would take a look at the hospital's findings, but that she wanted to move my regularly scheduled appt from Wednesday to Monday. I was ok with that, but in my head I was saying, "No, I want you to see me NOW! I can't go through this 4 more days." She must have had ESP since her next words were, "You know what. I'd really like you to be able to come in today. I don't have any appointments, but we will work you in with the on-call doctor." YES! She knew what I was going through. The waiting was too much. I broke down on the phone with her and said, "I would really like that."

As a family we quickly hopped in the car and headed to Fort Worth. At this point, Brooke knew that I had been bleeding and that I was told to rest, but nothing else. As much as I wanted Taylor in the room with me to hear either "the baby is fine" or "I'm sorry," I knew it was in the best interest for Brooke to not have to endure the emotion of it all. Taylor just dropped me off at the entrance and after about a 30 minute wait, they called me back. After an exam, they did another sonogram. While lying on the table, with every screen shot being taken, I just kept thinking that she would say, "Well look what I found!" With every shot I kept looking for that little heartbeat or that tiny infamous sac. I was absolutely heartbroken.

I then had to go back to the room and wait for the doctor to come in. There's nothing worse than knowing that the worst is to come. I knew I wasn't alone, but not having Taylor there in the room with me didn't make it any easier. The doctor confirmed everything, that I was in the process of losing the baby. He said that the sac was already gone and that I still had a few days of bleeding left. At this point, it didn't look like I'd have to have a D&C, but only time would tell. He then gave me a shot of Rogam since I am Rh negative, which will protect me for any future pregnancies.

I walked out of the office to find Taylor and Brooke in the parking lot. Brooke was deeply engaged in reading a book, but I asked her to put it down for a minute. I then proceeded to tell her the truth:

     Me: Brooke, you know how I've been having to go to the doctor a lot and that I've been bleeding,
     well we lost the baby. It just means that something was wrong with the baby and God said, "You
     know what, we're going to try again and make it even more perfect."

     Brooke: That will take forever!
     Me: (laughing) No it won't (hopefully)! I just wanted you to know what was going on and that  
     everything is going to be ok.

     Brooke: Ok

Whew! That went a lot better than I thought. Taylor inserted some engineering terms along the way, but all-in-all it went smoothly. We decided to go ahead and tell Jon and Karla so that they would know if Brooke was upset at any point. They were genuinely sorry, which we were very grateful for.

I have always believed that God's timing is perfect. My motto in life is Jeremiah 29:11...

While reading a few scriptures on God's timing, I came across this one today that speaks right to me from Proverbs 16:9...
Thank you so much for your continued support and love! I can't imagine going through this without faith, family and friends. Several questioned us for telling everyone so quickly about the pregnancy since we didn't wait til the "danger zone" was over. I said it before and I'll say it least we have that many more people praying for us. And look...we have had an overwhelming amount of support and prayers lifted on our behalf. I wouldn't change a thing about telling people early! We look forward to the day when we can announce that we are expecting again!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Baby Smith Update

The past 48 hours have been some of the most stressful and scary moments I've encountered. This pregnancy has been absolutely wonderful. I haven't had any symptoms of being pregnant (except for the ever-growing belly) and I have really enjoyed every moment. My pregnancy with Brooke was much different! I was sick from day one and even switched OB/GYNs because one wouldn't allow me to continue taking Zofran after the first trimester. Thank goodness for Zofran!

Back on May 30 I went to my first OB appointment and everything went really well. My bloodwork was good and it was right in line with me being about 6 weeks pregnant. Everything was perfect!

On Tuesday afternoon, I began bleeding more than usual. I had spotted throughout the pregnancy, but nothing of significance. Tuesday was a different story. Brooke and I had planned to pick up Anne and go shopping in Stephenville for the afternoon and then grab some dinner. At dinner I informed Anne about what was going on and went ahead and decided to put a call into the on-call doctor. While waiting, I decided to call my friend KayCee who is an OB nurse and Anne called a friend of hers to see what they thought was going on. Both reassured me that everything was ok and with the stress that I had been under the previous week, it was my body saying to SLOW DOWN! I was bleeding, but I had no cramping or clotting symptoms as would be the case in a miscarriage.

Within a few minutes the doctor called me back and said that I needed to be on bed rest until I could get in to see them tomorrow. Unfortunately, they couldn't get me in until 3 on Wednesday, but everything worked out. Taylor was having to work nights this week, so it gave him time to rest and me to relax until the appointment. I couldn't have asked for better care. The nurses were AMAZING and very encouraging that everything was going to be ok. I went in for the regular pee test, then to my exam room. The nurse immediately began asking all kinds of questions to try to figure out what was going on. While trying to concentrate on my answers, I could feel gushes coming out (sorry, TMI I know). I apologized to her and said that I needed to go back to the bathroom. She was so sweet! She asked if I needed anything and then came in the bathroom to check on me. She asked if I was ok and through my tears I said, "I'm just scared."

The doctor came in the room shortly afterwards and said that he wanted a sonogram to see if he could tell what was going on and then some more bloodwork to be able to compare my counts to two weeks ago.

The sonogram technician came to get me and as I was about to sit on the table she said, "Before you get too comfortable, I'm going to need you to undress for a vaginal sonogram." I was shocked! I never had to have one of THOSE with Brooke. I said, "Ok, but I'm bleeding A LOT!" She then replied with, "Yes. I know. That's why you're here." Duh Shea! Just shut-up and let her do her job :) SIDE NOTE: Sonogram machines have come a LONG way in 10 years. You used to have to look at that itty bitty screen to see what was going on and even then the mother couldn't really see anything with the way it was angled. Who knew that they could display it on a huge TV screen right in front of you?! I love technology!

As soon as we could see something on the screen, I immediately began looking for that infamous blur of a heartbeat. Nothing. Tears began to roll. The first thing she came across was to point out that I have a fibroid tumor (news to me). Of course my mind starts rolling and blaming my bleeding on that. Not so much. She then found the embryo sac, which was a good thing...sort of. I kept searching for a baby. Nothing. More tears. She then stated that the sac was measuring at 5 weeks instead of the 8 weeks that we had thought. Then she was done. What?! Where's the good news? Where's the "everything is just fine Shea" statement? The tears poured out.

I went back to the exam room to wait on the doctor's comments. L.O.N.G.E.S.T. waiting period ever! The doctor stated that there was a sac, which crossed out several other complicated situations. That was good news! He said that one reason I might be bleeding is that the egg is attaching to the uteran wall and buries itself, causing bleeding. Who knows! I went and had more blood drawn and was told that I would received the results tomorrow.

Well tomorrow is here and I sat by the phone ALL day. The call came around 2:30 and I was ready for the best and worst. I just needed to know.
"You still have a baby!"
Those were the most beautiful words I've ever heard! She continued to say that my blood counts looked really good and that they still wanted to see me again for my regular scheduled appointment next Wednesday. She said that I need to lay low, no picking up anything and definitely no stress to my pelvis area. Yes ma'am!

The next week on bed rest may be really LONG, but I know that it will all be worth it in the end.

We are so thankful for our good news today, but we continue to ask for prayers as we are not out of the woods yet. Thank you for your amazing support, words of encouragement and prayers. We are blessed more than ever!

Monday, June 11, 2012

Cooking, Cowboys and Concussion...Oh My!

The past week has been one of the busiest in a while! I have cooked for between 6 and 20 people for the past week and this Momma is WORN OUT! Taylor's dad, Wes, drove in from New Mexico on Monday to spend the week with us for his 60th birthday and to see Taylor in the 2012 All Around Ranch Rodeo in Glen Rose. I cooked Beef and Broccoli with Fried Rice on Monday night for us and Wes. I cooked New Mexican style enchiladas for us, Wes, Lindsay and Doug on Tuesday night. On Wednesday, Grandma Mary (Wes' mom) flew in from New Mexico so I cooked Cajun Chicken Pasta, Friend Corn and Texas Toast for all of us over at Doug and Lindsay's house. The 3R Ranch Rodeo Team drove in on Thursday, so I fed everyone hamburgers at our house before going to the rodeo. Friday is a blur to me. On Saturday at lunch I fed everyone hamburgers again (all I had left). Finally, on Sunday I topped it all off with feeding 20 people at our house Chile Rellenos, Spanish Rice, Beans and all the fixings. WHEW! Thank goodness for Chicken Express being close for dinner tonight :)

The 2012 All Around Ranch Rodeo in Glen Rose was very enjoyable. I love cheering Taylor and his team on in all the events! We spent Thursday thru Saturday at the arena so we got to know it really well :) There were 20 teams that went on Thursday, 20 on Friday and then the top 5 teams from each night (plus 2 Wild Card Teams) went to the Finals on Saturday. We were up on Friday. They had the sorting and branding at 2:00 in the afternoon, since those are the uneventful events, and then they had bronc riding, muggin' and wild cow milking in the evening. It made for VERY long days! Unfortunately, I am unable to upload my videos of the guys in action.
My AMAZING Family!

Brooke, Makenzie and Tyla

On Saturday afternoon they had a FREE Stick Horse Rodeo for all the kids. Brooke usually doesn't participate, but since Josh and Briana's kids entered that was a great encouragement for her! She competed in the Barrel Racing and Bronc Riding.

Brooke Barrel Racing

Brooke Bronc Riding

Brooke won 4th in the Barrel Racing and 3rd in the Bronc Riding! She got ribbons and a new hat that was too small. Taylor already said that he would be replacing it :) Brooke also got new spurs from CowPaw!

Friday night was one of the scariest nights of my life. Anytime that Taylor saddles up on a bronc my heart beats faster than ever, my palms begin to sweat, I get VERY restless and my whole body shakes. Friday night began like all the others. Taylor was the first rider out of the chute...

Taylor's Bronc Ride

It happened faster than anything and we still aren't sure what knocked him out. We are pretty sure that he was out before he hit the ground, but who knows. The worst part was that it happened right in front of us. Brooke was on the front row and I was sitting right behind her. As soon as he got bucked off, I leaned over the railing to see him and all I saw was a limp body on the arena ground. I remember yelling hysterically, "Get up Taylor! Get up Taylor!" I remember hearing Brooke screaming, "Dad! Dad! That's my Dad!" I immediately jumped the railing and that's when the paramedics and several other men ran over to help. Taylor was out for over 2 minutes. Once he woke up he told the paramedics that he was fine. The paramedics disagreed. He knew his name and where he was, but other than that he was clueless. Thankfully they allowed him to sit up and gain some strength to walk off with assistance. The next thing I knew, he was back on a horse for the Muggin' event! He almost fell jumping off to tie the cow down, walked right into his horse and then had difficulties mounting back on the horse. THEN he was out roping for the Wild Cow Milking! Oh my! He is one tough cowboy, but his wife was one worried girl! I spent the night waking Taylor up every 2 hours to make sure he was responsive. He continued to have headaches on Saturday and Sunday, but I made him sit and rest most of the time. I told him that if he wasn't better by Monday that I was taking him to the ER for an MRI. Funny how the first thing he said to me when he woke up was, "I feel much better!" HA! He went to the chiropractor this morning and they adjusted his neck and hips, which seems to have helped the headaches and soreness. Being a bronc rider's wife is scary and stressful, but I love supporting my husband in what he loves to do!

Taylor won the Hard Luck Award at the awards ceremony on Saturday evening. He was awarded a buckle and new hat. The entire All Around Ranch Rodeo can be seen on RFD-TV in July (I think).

So thankful for great family, friends and a job that allows me a few months to rest in the summer!